"Thoughts from a Photographic Mind…"

Thoughts

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Thoughts as of today 6-23-12

All thoughts are my own…

Writings for my coffee table book i will do in the future…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Perhaps for a time period the make incursions into this existence. Then they quickly retreat…When we are in them, it is a wonderful life but when they retreat it feels like your whole world is being torn apart. We try to be strong and make the right decision but whatever you do it is evil to somebody. WE grow, We live, We learn from these experiences and wait for the flow to the next incursion…

Idyllic realities:::While you are in a down-cycle of a non-incursion, life is straining and tiresome. One can become restless and irritable with his or her person and with others. They can become discontent with life and their surroundings. Things of pleasure can become mundane and non-enjoyable. Discontent runs rampant…

Idyllic realities:::Most go through their lives never knowing or understanding this cycle ever happens and most are the better for it. When our eyes are opened to the countless possibilities of different realities that exist and that have existed, one can and will yearn for more than is provided from main line reality…

Idyllic realities:::The cycle of Idyllic realities ebb and flow like the body’s natural circadian rhythm lasting for 24 hours. The endless cycles of Idyllic reality can last for many years or as short as a day. Some experience them for years of bliss and some lives never get to experience them at all. They go through life in hellish ways never know the luxury or the feeling of an Idyllic reality flow…

Idyllic realities:::While we are in a flux state of a non-incursion, we cannot control the length of this event. We can, however, take proactive steps to make ourselves susceptible to the event of the next Idyllic reality incursion and cycle. This is not to say we can control it as no one is in control of the ebb and flow it is only that we can be ready and on the event horizon of a new beginning cycle…

Idyllic realities:::For some, those fortunate few, that live their whole lives in an Idyllic Reality, it is like falling in love with your grade school sweetheart and marrying her, then living your whole life together in the home town.   Any disruption in this flow would disrupt this reality.  I for one, cannot say, if this is an Idyllic reality or not, for i have never had this. I have never been in this type of situation.  I have never been that content.  I have always yearned for more; some existential force to guide me to the “promise land” where i could be happy and have the live i so wanted or thought i needed. I digress…

Idyllic realities:::If you are in a cycle of an Idyllic reality, an major or sudden change can disrupt the flow of the cycle to such a magnitude that it can recede back into a point of nonexistence. Such major events can be a move, a divorce, a death or any other such life shattering event; it can and will upset the balance of the flow and make it retreat, perhaps for a long time or perhaps, if you are a lucky individual, just a short time but while waiting, it can make your life a jumbled mess…

Idyllic realities:::A move, let’s talk about this instance. When you are in an up cycle and all is well, life is good for the most part.  If a move is in the future for the individual things become in turmoil. Jobs for one or the other, friends from both, church and school become a distant memory. Sometimes you will be lucky and see people from your other life and cycle or perhaps not lucky at all and loose total contact of friends never to hear from them again. While living in this new place and waiting for a new cycle to begin, it can become a stressful time as well for you are not in an Idyllic reality. Trying to find employment, church, friends, life, is a struggle between the parties involved. Much discontent is at home until such things can be set straight and life can become ready for the idea of the event horizon of a new Idyllic reality flow…

Idyllic realities:::It is funny, you know the feeling that it is going to be tomorrow and that will be the day?  That is the feeling of being on the event horizon. When tomorrow comes and nothing is changed, you are still in the same place and spot in this existence not entering into a new flow; some get stuck in this position for a very long time.  They say, “If i could just get a break” or i feel like i am in the right path” or even “i know something is going to go right” All of these instances are when the person is on the event horizon but they are not ready and the new flow has not started to mature. Being stuck on the event horizon is just as bad as being in a non-flow. Life can and will be just as hard as being in the midst of a total non-flow event and they will be in a flux state…

Idyllic realities:::Sometimes we can create a reality bubble that is very Idyllic such as taking a road trip with friends and listening to music and having great comrade during that time. During these short excursions, you can force an Idyllic reality flow to happen but only for the duration of the trip. When you return to the normal flow and life, you will be out of the Idyllic reality and the flow, sometimes to be stuck on the Event Horizon or in the beginning of another non-event. Sometimes the return to a non-event is a hard happening…

Idyllic realities:::Sometimes when you try to force an event to happen the downside of the event is not really worth all the mental and physical effort that was put into the forcing of the new flow.  You can and will feel drained by the excretion of resources that were expended in the undertaking…

Idyllic realities:::While in a non-cycle of an incursion, life can be strenuous at best. Money and jobs can be at a low and the prospect of them can be far and few, possibly, not in the same town or state for that matter. Personal life can be a real issue as well. Being discontent with one’s self makes one discontent with others as well.  This gives little comfort to our significant other(s) while in this state. This can put a strain on relationships both romantic and non-romantic. It can appear as if nothing has or will go the right way for the person. It can seem that they are up against the whole world and nothing will go their way no matter how hard they try to make it.  This is a hard time to be in when this situation is happening to an individual. It is much like a depression or being in a depressed state of being both mentally, financially, and physically…

Idyllic realities:::When a person is in a non-cycle of an event incursion, they;  if they search and study themselves long enough, will see and find a discontinuity or relationships in their lives. I find this very apparent in my life. This can manifest itself in the form of art, literature, music, or some other sort of passion. One will find that their “Normal” activities, normal to them, are very different and have vastly different meanings to them then they have to others. It is almost like finding your muse, so to speak. Some of these differences become apparent when a person is on the event horizon of their next Idyllic reality flow. This can be a sign of a new Idyllic reality starting to take effect in a person’s life.  Epiphanies happen and major realizations are made during this warming up period…

Idyllic realities:::When the person is in the non-event but on the Event Horizon, things appear to go their way.  Their outlook on life becomes much brighter and they build up a forward momentum. Their outlook becomes greater and they finally feel like they can put plans into place that they have been holding onto for some time.  This all takes a great deal of energy and though for this to happen but it can all crumble don’t in an instant if they fall from the even horizon back to the beginning on a non-event. The person(s) will feel as if their lat breath of air was just sucked out of their body and all they had hoped for had been taken away.  All the planning was for not. They can feel helpless and paralyzed by what was will be and what could have been not ever happening. They can and will feel drained of both time and energy making all the preparations they they made waiting for the next Idyllic reality to happen. Now, sadly, they are in a rebuilding phase, trying to recoup what was lost, both time and energy, waiting and building… 

Idyllic realities:::This is not to say that when a person is in a non-event things cannot go their way. Sometimes while a person is in a non-event, they have to think and look at a totally different direction to go in their professional and personal lives. When things do not go the way they were heading while they were on the event horizon.  Many times we have all heard the old saying “if it didn’t happen then it was not meant to be” and we get sick and tired of it.  Perhaps, just perhaps, this is a true statement after all? When your ever move is blocked while trying to better yourself out of your geographical area and you find something (much) better in your local, then perhaps it is true. You might not be in an Idyllic reality but you might just be riding high on a swell, perhaps like a sine wave looks.  You are not in a valley, you are not at an event horizon, you are not in an idyllic reality, you are on a peak in a non-flow event…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist.  Perhaps when you are not in a Flow or on an Event Horizon, you are just in a low or valley. Perhaps you are pushed in a lateral direction into something that is not of your choosing but out of necessity to survive.  Perhaps the Universe has a different plan or plane for you to be on, not to you immediate liking, but where you need to be in this space and time.  It is a hard thing to understand and come to grips with. To borrow from “Desiderata” And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

It is a hard pill to swallow sometimes, it is hard to let go of control… 

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Even if we want them to happen with all our might, they do not happen, life happens to us and drags us back down.  We feel lifeless and no direction. Things present themselves to us such as opportunities, people, places, from our past. We are in the doldrums of a non-event with no sight of a new flow happening in the foreseeable future. Events in our lives can transpire that might occupy our thoughts from the non-event, but i think that Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist.   They become a figment of out imagination, far from our reach.  Perhaps at some point, one will happen when we least expect it to.  Time will tell.  I read a quote that states: “A Man Is Stagnate if His Dreams Equal His Reality” Such a true statement…

 Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Much can happen when we start or try to start a new path to travel. Many ups and downs happen. Some, we like and some, we don’t, but they happen and we have no control over them. I miss the hustle and bustle of a metro area…the life I once had…shattered realities calling my essence like an elder god from the past. Not really settled in my life where I am living. I hear distant echoes of lives past calling my name..chanting, recalling me to them… I feel this way. I am not in the reality i want to be in and i do not see a way out at this moment.  I am stuck between the ebb and flow or reality, watching, living, and waiting… 

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Sometimes we have to take a chance when we are not in an idyllic reality. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I have taken said chance and it worked out very well or so it would appear.  Sometimes we have to make an idyllic reality of our own. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Strange times make for strange happenings as well. Taking proactive steps can force an event to occur in ones life. Perhaps a change in a job or a friendship can usher in a new event in ones life…Stagnate lives make for disenchanted people. False Gods don’t work anymore for fulfillment in ones destiny. New ages call for new changes and illumination on the spirit…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. We go through cycles  of and loops of time and causalities that are meaningless to us. We start over, we start over, we start over, we start over and never finish what we feel like should be our life and path. For us, completion of a project never happens the way we intend it to. We start over. we start over and we try again and again to complete and conquer a task but are denied the fruit(s) of our efforts. What is it all for? Why do we suffer failure while our peers see success? Why do we continue and strive for something better like an idyllic reality only to be denied such an event? How long can we continue till we are crushed and are at the end of our wits?? We continue and strive for the betterment of our self and our peers…

dyllic realities:::Do Not Exist Sometimes, while in a non-event we are in a true event even though we do not see or feel it at the time. Events happen to us that we do not know or understand how we were brought in to but they happen. We start to see the reality of the situation and we start to become more aware of our environment and our place in it. We find out where we can help our self and our fellows. Things transpire that we do not fully understand but we embrace them as they happen and gladly go on the adventure(s) when and where they occur. Time may pass slowly or very fast because our perception of reality(s) is distorted due to the events unfolding at a feverish pace.  We feel better than we have in years and embrace it with all out person…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. During the grand reality phase of an event there can be under-currents that flow and rise to the surface.  They can be devastating to your person if you let them overcome you. It can bring quickly a retreat of the event that you are in if it consumes you. you must stay focused and trudge ahead the road of destiny and see what and where the event can and will bring.  perhaps the undercurrent can open up new avenues in your life in way you have not thought of or the under-currents can totally cause the event to retreat and make life very stressful…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Sometimes when you try to start or force a new flow or what you perceive as a flow, things can go wrong. In trying to force an event, you try to divert the natural flow of reality. Things do not go they way we plan, they go according to the ebb and wane of the universe. Trying to force a “Dream” to happen can and will turn out horribly. It is just that, a DREAM. In most instances,  they never turn out how you think they should. Also, when you try to force an event, another door can open that you didn’t expect to happen at all. A different possibility occurs, a new path to take can happen. It might not be a new event but a parallel journey can begin to possibly usher in a new reality.

 


Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. A different thought.

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Sometimes when you try to start or force a new flow or what you perceive as a flow, things can go wrong. In trying to force an event, you try to divert the natural flow of reality. Things do not go they way we plan, they go according to the ebb and wane of the universe. Trying to force a “Dream” to happen can and will turn out horribly. It is just that, a DREAM. In most instances,  they never turn out how you think they should. Also, when you try to force an event, another door can open that you didn’t expect to happen at all. A different possibility occurs, a new path to take can happen. It might not be a new event but a parallel journey can begin to possibly usher in a new reality.


Happiness

Happiness is a transitional feeling.  We all have it at some point and then it is either elevated to elation or then demoted to sadness. We have some limited control of this but many external forces manipulate the feeling(s) we all have…


Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Another post in the series.

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. During the grand reality phase of an event there can be under-currents that flow and rise to the surface.  They can be devastating to your person if you let them overcome you. It can bring quickly a retreat of the event that you are in if it consumes you. you must stay focused and trudge ahead the road of destiny and see what and where the event can and will bring.  perhaps the undercurrent can open up new avenues in your life in way you have not thought of or the under-currents can totally cause the event to retreat and make life very stressful…


My Interview with Author Jesse James Freeman

Billy Purgatory:  I Am The Devil Bird
This is a little different post folks. This is an interview with Jesse James Freeman, Author of “Billy Purgatory: I am Devil Bird” that I am conducting with Jesse.
Jim and I have been friends for over 25 years and have had many adventures together.
This is another chapter…
1.      Where and when did Billy come to you?
First of all, thanks Robert for wanting to interview me on your blog – I really appreciate it.
The idea for Billy came to me in its earliest form about 10 years ago.  I first thought it up because I was living in Los Angeles at the time and writing movie scripts and a lot of the ideas my writing partner and I were coming up with at the time were pretty complicated.  I wanted a simple idea that didn’t involve a lot of world building and what I came up with was a skateboard kid that fought a different ‘mythological creature of the week’, he had a Vietnam Vet father who had fought monsters back in the war.  I wrote a little script – had no idea what I was going to do with it then – I was thinking maybe a comic book.  I did eventually turn it into a short comic with the help of artist Moses Jaen and we printed them in a zine called Blinky’s at San Deigo Comic-Con a few years back.  It would still be a couple years beyond that before I ultimately would have the idea to turn Billy into a novel, and that’s how we arrive at Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird.
2.      How far do you see this book going?
I really didn’t know to be completely honest.  I knew that I wanted to get it published, but I had no idea how to go about doing that.  The only thing I did know to do was to start writing, so that’s what I did – it was the only part of any of it that I could control.  I’m pretty sure a lot of people thought that I was crazy, writing a book.  I had never written one before and I didn’t have a clue just how hard writing a novel would turn out to be.  Sometimes I didn’t understand how to stay motivated and wondered if I was wasting a lot of time sitting at my computer when I could be out doing fun stuff – not that writing isn’t fun.
I owe a lot of my success to Twitter, and I know that you tried to get me on Twitter for a long time, so in hindsight, many thanks.  I met a lot of really smart and friendly writers on Twitter, one of them happened to be author Tess Hardwick.  Tess liked the description of the book that I was writing and wanted to read it – why, I have no idea – but she took a chance and she liked it enough to pass it on to her publishers at Booktrope.
3.      How many times have you been asked the same questions about your book?
*Laughs* It’s not just me – a lot of authors get asked a lot of the same questions.  We mostly get asked about ‘the writing process’ – mine has a lot to do with obsession and DosXX.
4.      If we ended up on an island together, what do you think we’d need to survive?
All I know about islands is what I learned from watching LOST, so I’d have my fingers crossed there’d be a Dharma Hatch filled with food and supplies and a turntable.  I think I could do without all the rest of that stuff – but the no music would get pretty old.  I figure it wouldn’t be too long before we were insane, quoting Sisters of Mercy lyrics to one another.
I also used to do personal assistant work for Dawn “Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island” Wells – she didn’t teach me how to survive on any islands, but the lady can still bake a mean coconut pie!
5.      Do you believe that there could be a Satanic 5 at work now?
I completely believe there is a Satanic 5 working behind the scenes – it’s the only explanation I can come up with for reality TV, having to watch my sugar intake, or lite beer.
6.      Could a Time Zombie appear at anytime in real life like in the book?
Total fabrication on my part: the zombie outbreak is an inevitability, but everyone knows that you can’t travel back and forth in time – if that was possible I’d already be dating a Spice Girl.
7.      Just how BIG is Aphrodite’s Ass really?
It’s so big that when she sits around the Parthenon she sits AROUND the Parthenon.  It’s so big that Ares doesn’t carry a shield anymore he just tells her to go first and back dat-ass-up.  It’s so big that when she danced around Apollo’s chariot the Oracle of Delphi predicted an eclipse.
8.      Where do you see yourself in 5 years after the movie has been shot?
Believing that someone would ever read the book and throw serious Hollywood muscle behind a movie project is a dream that is just too surreal for me to even think about right now.  It’s a very humbling idea, and I can’t let myself get bogged down with things like that and I still have tons more writing to do.  All that being said, if there are any producers reading please contact me directly.  If there are any fashion designers reading, I’ll need a man’s sized suit for that whole red carpet thing.
9.      What are some of your aspirations for yourself?
I’d be very happy when I reach that point where I can write full-time.  That’s my only aspiration, seriously, I’m not so interested in lots of money (I will still cash the checks, though) or fame or any of that.  I would just like to tell stories 24/7/365.
10.     You and I have been friends a long time; do you see us being friends for a long time to come?

That’s the easiest question of all of them.  We’ll always be friends – thanks for the support, brother.


Jesse James Freeman : https://twitter.com/#!/JesseJFreeman : http://billypurgatory.wordpress.com/

“Science is magic that works.”
– K. Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle

“when you meet a man who is a master swordsman, show him your sword; when you meet a man who is not a poet, don’t show him your poem”
-lin chi

Writings for my coffee table book i will do in the future…

All thoughts are my own…

Writings for my coffee table book i will do in the future…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Perhaps for a time period the make incursions into this existence. Then they quickly retreat…When we are in them, it is a wonderful life but when they retreat it feels like your whole world is being torn apart. We try to be strong and make the right decision but whatever you do it is evil to somebody. WE grow, We live, We learn from these experiences and wait for the flow to the next incursion…

Idyllic realities:::While you are in a down-cycle of a non-incursion, life is straining and tiresome. One can become restless and irritable with his or her person and with others. They can become discontent with life and their surroundings. Things of pleasure can become mundane and non-enjoyable. Discontent runs rampant…

Idyllic realities:::Most go through their lives never knowing or understanding this cycle ever happens and most are the better for it. When our eyes are opened to the countless possibilities of different realities that exist and that have existed, one can and will yearn for more than is provided from main line reality…

Idyllic realities:::The cycle of Idyllic realities ebb and flow like the body’s natural circadian rhythm lasting for 24 hours. The endless cycles of Idyllic reality can last for many years or as short as a day. Some experience them for years of bliss and some lives never get to experience them at all. They go through life in hellish ways never know the luxury or the feeling of an Idyllic reality flow…

Idyllic realities:::While we are in a flux state of a non-incursion, we cannot control the length of this event. We can, however, take proactive steps to make ourselves susceptible to the event of the next Idyllic reality incursion and cycle. This is not to say we can control it as no one is in control of the ebb and flow it is only that we can be ready and on the event horizon of a new beginning cycle…

Idyllic realities:::For some, those fortunate few, that live their whole lives in an Idyllic Reality, it is like falling in love with your grade school sweetheart and marrying her, then living your whole life together in the home town.   Any disruption in this flow would disrupt this reality.  I for one, cannot say, if this is an Idyllic reality or not, for i have never had this. I have never been in this type of situation.  I have never been that content.  I have always yearned for more; some existential force to guide me to the “promise land” where i could be happy and have the live i so wanted or thought i needed. I digress…

Idyllic realities:::If you are in a cycle of an Idyllic reality, an major or sudden change can disrupt the flow of the cycle to such a magnitude that it can recede back into a point of nonexistence. Such major events can be a move, a divorce, a death or any other such life shattering event; it can and will upset the balance of the flow and make it retreat, perhaps for a long time or perhaps, if you are a lucky individual, just a short time but while waiting, it can make your life a jumbled mess…

Idyllic realities:::A move, let’s talk about this instance. When you are in an up cycle and all is well, life is good for the most part.  If a move is in the future for the individual things become in turmoil. Jobs for one or the other, friends from both, church and school become a distant memory. Sometimes you will be lucky and see people from your other life and cycle or perhaps not lucky at all and loose total contact of friends never to hear from them again. While living in this new place and waiting for a new cycle to begin, it can become a stressful time as well for you are not in an Idyllic reality. Trying to find employment, church, friends, life, is a struggle between the parties involved. Much discontent is at home until such things can be set straight and life can become ready for the idea of the event horizon of a new Idyllic reality flow…

Idyllic realities:::It is funny, you know the feeling that it is going to be tomorrow and that will be the day?  That is the feeling of being on the event horizon. When tomorrow comes and nothing is changed, you are still in the same place and spot in this existence not entering into a new flow; some get stuck in this position for a very long time.  They say, “If i could just get a break” or i feel like i am in the right path” or even “i know something is going to go right” All of these instances are when the person is on the event horizon but they are not ready and the new flow has not started to mature. Being stuck on the event horizon is just as bad as being in a non-flow. Life can and will be just as hard as being in the midst of a total non-flow event and they will be in a flux state…

Idyllic realities:::Sometimes we can create a reality bubble that is very Idyllic such as taking a road trip with friends and listening to music and having great comrade during that time. During these short excursions, you can force an Idyllic reality flow to happen but only for the duration of the trip. When you return to the normal flow and life, you will be out of the Idyllic reality and the flow, sometimes to be stuck on the Event Horizon or in the beginning of another non-event. Sometimes the return to a non-event is a hard happening…

Idyllic realities:::Sometimes when you try to force an event to happen the downside of the event is not really worth all the mental and physical effort that was put into the forcing of the new flow.  You can and will feel drained by the excretion of resources that were expended in the undertaking…

Idyllic realities:::While in a non-cycle of an incursion, life can be strenuous at best. Money and jobs can be at a low and the prospect of them can be far and few, possibly, not in the same town or state for that matter. Personal life can be a real issue as well. Being discontent with one’s self makes one discontent with others as well.  This gives little comfort to our significant other(s) while in this state. This can put a strain on relationships both romantic and non-romantic. It can appear as if nothing has or will go the right way for the person. It can seem that they are up against the whole world and nothing will go their way no matter how hard they try to make it.  This is a hard time to be in when this situation is happening to an individual. It is much like a depression or being in a depressed state of being both mentally, financially, and physically…

Idyllic realities:::When a person is in a non-cycle of an event incursion, they;  if they search and study themselves long enough, will see and find a discontinuity or relationships in their lives. I find this very apparent in my life. This can manifest itself in the form of art, literature, music, or some other sort of passion. One will find that their “Normal” activities, normal to them, are very different and have vastly different meanings to them then they have to others. It is almost like finding your muse, so to speak. Some of these differences become apparent when a person is on the event horizon of their next Idyllic reality flow. This can be a sign of a new Idyllic reality starting to take effect in a person’s life.  Epiphanies happen and major realizations are made during this warming up period…

Idyllic realities:::When the person is in the non-event but on the Event Horizon, things appear to go their way.  Their outlook on life becomes much brighter and they build up a forward momentum. Their outlook becomes greater and they finally feel like they can put plans into place that they have been holding onto for some time.  This all takes a great deal of energy and though for this to happen but it can all crumble don’t in an instant if they fall from the even horizon back to the beginning on a non-event. The person(s) will feel as if their lat breath of air was just sucked out of their body and all they had hoped for had been taken away.  All the planning was for not. They can feel helpless and paralyzed by what was will be and what could have been not ever happening. They can and will feel drained of both time and energy making all the preparations they they made waiting for the next Idyllic reality to happen. Now, sadly, they are in a rebuilding phase, trying to recoup what was lost, both time and energy, waiting and building… 

Idyllic realities:::This is not to say that when a person is in a non-event things cannot go their way. Sometimes while a person is in a non-event, they have to think and look at a totally different direction to go in their professional and personal lives. When things do not go the way they were heading while they were on the event horizon.  Many times we have all heard the old saying “if it didn’t happen then it was not meant to be” and we get sick and tired of it.  Perhaps, just perhaps, this is a true statement after all? When your ever move is blocked while trying to better yourself out of your geographical area and you find something (much) better in your local, then perhaps it is true. You might not be in an Idyllic reality but you might just be riding high on a swell, perhaps like a sine wave looks.  You are not in a valley, you are not at an event horizon, you are not in an idyllic reality, you are on a peak in a non-flow event…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist.  Perhaps when you are not in a Flow or on an Event Horizon, you are just in a low or valley. Perhaps you are pushed in a lateral direction into something that is not of your choosing but out of necessity to survive.  Perhaps the Universe has a different plan or plane for you to be on, not to you immediate liking, but where you need to be in this space and time.  It is a hard thing to understand and come to grips with. To borrow from “Desiderata” And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

It is a hard pill to swallow sometimes, it is hard to let go of control… 

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Even if we want them to happen with all our might, they do not happen, life happens to us and drags us back down.  We feel lifeless and no direction. Things present themselves to us such as opportunities, people, places, from our past. We are in the doldrums of a non-event with no sight of a new flow happening in the foreseeable future. Events in our lives can transpire that might occupy our thoughts from the non-event, but i think that Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist.   They become a figment of out imagination, far from our reach.  Perhaps at some point, one will happen when we least expect it to.  Time will tell.  I read a quote that states: “A Man Is Stagnate if His Dreams Equal His Reality” Such a true statement…

 Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Much can happen when we start or try to start a new path to travel. Many ups and downs happen. Some, we like and some, we don’t, but they happen and we have no control over them. I miss the hustle and bustle of a metro area…the life I once had…shattered realities calling my essence like an elder god from the past. Not really settled in my life where I am living. I hear distant echoes of lives past calling my name..chanting, recalling me to them… I feel this way. I am not in the reality i want to be in and i do not see a way out at this moment.  I am stuck between the ebb and flow or reality, watching, living, and waiting… 

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. Sometimes we have to take a chance when we are not in an idyllic reality. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I have taken said chance and it worked out very well or so it would appear.  Sometimes we have to make an idyllic reality of our own. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Strange times make for strange happenings as well. Taking proactive steps can force an event to occur in ones life. Perhaps a change in a job or a friendship can usher in a new event in ones life…Stagnate lives make for disenchanted people. False Gods don’t work anymore for fulfillment in ones destiny. New ages call for new changes and illumination on the spirit…

Idyllic realities:::Do Not Exist. We go through cycles  of and loops of time and causalities that are meaningless to us. We start over, we start over, we start over, we start over and never finish what we feel like should be our life and path. For us, completion of a project never happens the way we intend it to. We start over. we start over and we try again and again to complete and conquer a task but are denied the fruit(s) of our efforts. What is it all for? Why do we suffer failure while our peers see success? Why do we continue and strive for something better like an idyllic reality only to be denied such an event? How long can we continue till we are crushed and are at the end of our wits?? We continue and strive for the betterment of our self and our peers…

dyllic realities:::Do Not Exist Sometimes, while in a non-event we are in a true event even though we do not see or feel it at the time. Event happen to us that we do not know or understand how we were brought in to but they happen. We start to see the reality of the situation and we start to become more aware of our environment and our place in it. We find out where we can help our self and our fellows. Things transpire that we do not fully understand but we embrace them as they happen and gladly go on the adventure(s) when and where they occur. Time may pass slowly or very fast because our perception of reality(s) is distorted due to the events unfolding at a feverish pace.  We feel better than we have in years and embrace it with all out person…


>What a Day…

>It has been a while since i have written anything on here…Thanksgiving.  What does it men to you?  I miss my daughter, i miss my old life that i had even if it was not good, i still miss it.  I miss my old friends that i have left over the years all over the county.

It has been a hard day for me today…

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How Do You Feel…
Let Me know…


>Life Coming At Cha…

>We often have a picture of how our life should be. Of how we want it. perhaps we get it that way but we are not satisfied? We all have a picture of how we want it to be and if we get it that way, it tends to be destroyed by us or someone else. Perhaps we are at fault or the other party are at fault, who knows who it really is?

We can see it coming toward us in slow motion but there is nothing that we can do to prevent it from happening. though NO PART OF OUT OWN AND THROUGH ALL PARTS OF OUT OWN, We KILL THE LOVE AND COMPASSION THAT WE ONCE HAD TOGETHER. We can see it in slow motion with rose colored glasses to help, but they do not.

So now at these points in out lives we cant stand the other one. There’s no love between us anymore. we just have to deal and live the best way we can. Try to remain civil and get on with our lives that have become broken…

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How Do You Feel…
Let Me know…


>A Few Memories Of Mine…

> When I was born, it was in Austin Texas. I was born at Seaton Memorial, which is no longer there. It has been torn down. We lived in campus housing there at UT and some apartments on North Lamar Blvd. They are still there. Soon afterward, we moved to Kirbyville Texas where I lived until my 8th grade year then I moved to Jasper to live with my mother and I graduated from Jasper High school in 1989.

Throughout my whole life I always wanted to live as far away from there as I could, I even said that I wanted to live in New Your City, I got very close to there, Massachusetts was about 5 hours from there. I also felt this incredible draw to Austin Texas. I did make it back to Austin, but it was not what I expected.

I was a big partier when I was about 18 years old until I was 29 and I decided to get my life straightened out. All the while, I always had the vision or dream if you will about if I was able to go and live in Austin that my life would be complete. I would have the friends that I wanted to have and the job that I needed, the girl, bla bla bla and so on and so forth. I can still picture that scene with me and my friends walking down a street in Austin laughing and joking with each other. I can still remember the clothes and hair that I would have as strange as that is.

Looking back on this dream, I can tell that I was part of my addiction manifesting itself at an early age. I was never really comfortable in my own skin even at an early age; I had friends and had what I wanted, but it was more than that. I was an unrest that I could never put my finger upon until later in my life after I got clean and sober. I have been clean and sober for over 5 years now. I did make it to my promise land, Austin, and the things that I sought after for so many years did not come to fruition. I was deeply in the throes of my addiction at that time and was miserable with myself and everyone around me.

Some good did come out of me moving to Austin, I did get clean and I did get married to a very special and wonderful person whom I love and admire. I have a wonderful daughter. I have a family of my own and even though at times it might be hard, I would not trade it for anything in the world. We have done more in the last 5+ years together then I could have ever have hoped for when I was out there suffering with my disease.

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How Do You Feel…

Let Me know…


>Been A While…

>It has been a while since my last post. It was hard for me Easter Day. Very hard. It was Easter 1 year ago that i was out in this area looking for a new home with my soon to be EX-Wife and daughter. It is funny how things can change in 1 years time. I know that it has taken more than 1 year for things to get like they are but that doesn’t make it any easier.

I want to tell my ex how i feel about all of this and how she acts as if nothing can hurt her. Like she does not even care that i am leaving. I wonder if i could have done more than what i did or didn’t do to make whit work. But in the end, it really does not matter. It is over and i accept it. She seems to be moving on with her life and making plans, why should i not do the same?

As my good friend told me, “This is the Summer of my life” about to begin…

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How Do You Feel…
Let Me know…